


Determinism

by m3aculpa



Series: dark_bingo, round 2 [4]
Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Community: dark_bingo, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-19
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-03 22:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m3aculpa/pseuds/m3aculpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes John thought that he was harsher with Harry because she was his sister.</p><p>For the prompt <i>alcoholism</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Determinism

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Determinism  
>  **Fandom:** Sherlock  
>  **Rating:** PG  
>  **Word count:** 778 words  
>  **Character(s):** John Watson, Harry Watson, Clara  
>  **Pairing(s):** Harry/Clara in passing  
>  **Warnings:** Alcohol abuse  
>  **Prompt:** Alcoholism for [](http://dark-bingo.livejournal.com/profile)[**dark_bingo**](http://dark-bingo.livejournal.com/)  
>  **Summary:** Sometimes John thought that he was harsher with Harry because she was his sister.  
>  **a/n:** I’m not a doctor, nor do I work with people who are addicted to alcohol. This is based partially on accounts of alcoholism that I’ve read and used for reference. I’ve tried to handle the subject with respect, but it's a difficult subject. I happily accept concrit. Thanks to all the people over at [](http://sherlockbbc.livejournal.com/profile)[**sherlockbbc**](http://sherlockbbc.livejournal.com/) who helped me with the question about rehab in the U.K!

  


**Determinism**

  


Nobody fully understood the genetic component to alcoholism, but they knew that it was there. People cited studies and said, ‘Poor sods. Can’t help themselves.’

John knew that genes didn’t mean everything. Encoded in your genes was a predisposition for alcoholism, but they were not a prophecy set in stone. Environmental and social factors had their due. Genes weren’t everything. He couldn’t stand those nights when Harry called him up, sobbing into the phone that she’d been doomed from the start. Doomed because their grandfather was an alcoholic and so was their father. John shared the same genetic predisposition, had grown up in the same environment, and he only drank moderately. He didn’t shy away from a beer or two, but he didn’t  _need_ it. He could go without it.

Sometimes he thought that he was harsher with Harry because she was his sister. If she’d been a stranger, maybe he could have mustered up more sympathy for her rants. As it was, he felt a twinge of resentment every time she started up. There was a difference between what you were taught as a doctor and how you treat patients, and how you react when it was your own flesh and blood. You know the models and the facts, but with patients it was easier to remember. You didn’t have the same emotional connection to and expectations on a patient that you had on your siblings. Truthfully, a patient eventually left. A sister was somebody you were tied to by blood. He could never get passed the feeling that she should try harder. It always left him feeling cold and like a horrible person.

But he didn’t known how many times he’d unlocked the door to Harry’s flat with his own key. How many times he’d found his sister lying passed out on the couch, trousers soaked through with urine and a puddle of vomit on the floor. She’d always be surrounded by empty bottles and he’d go search through the flat after her stash. He always missed something. One tiny bottle and she’d be off on a drinking binge again.

He’d lost count of the evenings he’d sat next to her as she drank, knowing that he couldn’t stop her. At first she’d be joyous and rambunctious. Boosting that she didn’t have a problem. That she could handle the drinking fine. But as the evening progressed, the darker her moods would get. She’d start sobbing and tell him, ‘I’m so ashamed, Johnny, I’m so ashamed. I’m going to die like this – alone, drunk and pissing myself.’

He always got her to promise to go in and get a referral from her GP. To be fair, she did every time she promised. Her long-suffering case worker sighed and asked, ‘Will you stay sober this time, Ms. Watson?’, but always worked hard to get her into a counseling program. John would be the good brother and support her through the detox, together with Clara. He’d watch Clara grow wearier until her vibrant personality had been worn down to a shadow which each promise that was broken.

They had to believe that each counseling period would be the last one. At least they had to pretend to believe that Harry was sincere, that this was the last time. She faithfully attended the session and always sounded so optimistic and full of hope. Like she believed that this would be a new beginning for her. Looking at her, she would be glowing with good spirits.

It never lasted.

The first weeks were great. It was like meeting the sister he remembered from before and not the stranger she had turned into. But it only lasted a few weeks. Then she started acting evasive – not picking up his calls – and when they met up she was quiet and ill-tempered. John’s stomach would always bottom out. He’d know before any evidence that she’d relapsed.

A lot of people speak of relapse as if it’s something that happens to somebody. But there was always a choice. Harry could pick up the bottle or call John to stop her. She could confide in Clara, instead of hiding the bottles. And then Clara was gone and Harry got worse. The stench in her flat was unbearable and she always reeked of alcohol. John tried to help, he honestly did.

But the thing was, John reasoned, you can only help those who are willing to accept the help. Rehab was only effective if the person was willing to change. John might have to accept that Harry wasn’t willing to change.

Sometimes he felt like he was just looking for reasons to walk out on his sister.

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried to separate doctor!John and brother!John, because it's hard to be objective and rational when it comes to your own flesh and blood.


End file.
